


the boy who spits flowers

by lgbtlouis



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Harry has no idea, M/M, OT5, Oblivious Harry, One-Sided Attraction, Sick Louis, Sickfic, Unrequited Love, louis is kinda sad, louis vomits flowers, niall is a great friend, one direction - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-03-02 05:01:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 19,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13311081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lgbtlouis/pseuds/lgbtlouis
Summary: "I feel like I'm going to be sick." And that's when everything in his stomach is now on the damp ground, blood red sick dripping through his fingers. Not only is his vomit a dark red but in the mix of the thick liquid he finds magenta petals, his eyes widening at the discovery."Louis, you should go home," Harry frowns which startles Louis because he almost forgot he was there. Louis stands up, kicking dirt over whatever he just emptied from his gut. He doesn't recall eating a fucking flower.or, an au in which Louis falls in love, throws up flowers caused by unrequited love and Harry is totally oblivious.





	1. one

Louis began permuting his thoughts, desires and wonders into words. His room is so silent that you could only hear the sounds of the nib of his favourite black inked pen making contact with the paper and his arm brushing up against the surface of his wooden desk. Dim pools of light seep through the open window by his desk, highlighting the almost blank page sat in front of him.

He has no ideas, no inspiration and no thoughts worth putting into words. His mind was reaching for something to focus on, something he could pour all his efforts into. His eyes wonder around his room, even something small would do for now so he could pass time.

Although Louis is tired he didn't need to sleep, he's always tired so it wasn't anything out of the norm or something to be concerned about. He remembers when he was so full of life, he barely went a day without going outside and appreciating every small detail that his perfect little suburb portrayed. Now he's lost interest in that - not just that but he's lost interest in basically everything that used to bring him joy. These days everything just seems pointless.

The sunrise that is still hidden behind the hill beside his house caught his attention, liquid sunlight seeps through the gaps of the leaves and branches of the tree that is sat on the peek of the steep hill. It was honestly one of the only things he still finds beautiful in a world as ugly as the one he feels trapped in.

He focuses on the tree, the colours that somehow manage to blend together so seamlessly makes him almost excited about nothing in particular - it just gave him hope that he can still find beauty in something as minuscule as a tree sat on top of a hill surrounded by the suburban streets he grew up on.

Louis huffs. He notices the ominous dark clouds, hovering on the outskirts of town like a warning that had snuck onto the sky while he was preoccupied by his thoughts. Although he had no plans of leaving his small, messy bedroom since he usually spent his day listening to the vinyls he had collected over the years or maybe reading a book peacefully by his window sill, he is still disappointed nevertheless.

His parents of course didn't agree with his habit of never placing a foot outside the house, they thought it was absurd and unhealthy. Obviously Louis had no care in what they said, he learned it's best never to fret about what they thought years ago. His parents may be trying to help but Louis saw it as pestering more than anything else, last time they wanted to help him their intentions were messed up and selfish.

Louis sat on his little window seat, he would describe it as somewhat of a pentagon shape that juts out. The windows are long and reaches up to the ceiling letting more of the slowly becoming hidden sunlight spill through.

He pulls out an old worn out cardboard box from under his desk that's full of old vinyls that his Dad gave him for his 10th birthday, that was the day Louis grew a passion for collecting them. He merely enjoyed how raw the music sounds coming from a record player.

His taste in music had a rather long range, it went from obscure music that no one really knew about to the stuff you hear playing on the radio too many times a day.

Louis weakly places the box down beside him, his fingers flicking through the countless amount of records until he decides he is in the mood for the beatles. When he found the album he's looking for, he lets out a little sound of triumph - almost surprising himself with the small burst of happiness he felt. Music just has that effect on him.

He pulls out the first record of the two from the cover that's completely white except for the grey words "The BEATLES" printed on the cover and places it onto the turntable. He sits back down at his window seat and there's a short buzzing, the needle settling onto the vinyl but once music starts to play his eyes lids fall shut and he lets his head fall back to rest on the wall beside his window.

Martha My Dear had to be one of his favourite songs, as it plays he didn't feel so low anymore it was so calming but chipper. This song in particular he had a soft spot for - when he first heard the song, he was going through a dark time that he didn't think would ever end but he found it comforting to hear, coming from a man he idolised since he was little, telling him to pick his head up, to carry on and not forget him. The white album was one of his first music experiences, since his Dad would play it almost everyday.

_Martha my dear though I spend my days in conversation_  
_Please_  
_Don't forget me Martha my dear_

____

_Hold your head up you silly girl look what you've done_  
_When you find yourself in the thick of it_  
_Help yourself to a bit of what is all around you_  
_Silly girl_

____

As the album continues to play, his eyes remain shut and for the first time in a few days he falls asleep.

____

-

____

Louis jumps to the sudden light knocking on his bedroom door. He realises he fell asleep and sighs long and deeply. When he adverts his gaze to door he finds Niall poking his head just past the door frame, hesitant to come in and disturb Louis.

____

"S'alright mate, come on in, I was just napping," Louis smiles groggily. Niall sits himself on Louis' messy unmade bed and grins at him expectantly.

____

"So are you gonna explain the unexpected visit or-"

____

"Have you been out lately?" Niall asks before Louis could even finish. Louis raises his eyebrows in question but answers anyway.

____

"Well, not really I-"

____

"Come with me," Niall interrupts, once again. Louis considers making up some excuse like he's allergic to the sun so he can't but he's already used that one and that ended up with Niall pretending to get mad and play fight but instead Niall ended up hitting him square in the face so Louis reminds himself it's probably best if he just follows without another word. And so he does.

____

When they make it outside he notices the dark clouds completely overtook the sky's entirety. Louis assumes Niall would be rational and decide just to stay inside but unfortunately his assumption is incorrect.

____

"S' gonna rain," Louis mumbles as Niall picks up his bike that he had chained to Louis' fence.

____

Niall shrugs. "Oh well. Come on, get your bloody bike."

____

Louis huffs dramatically but goes to collect his bike without anymore bickering. He picks up his bike that was left on the ground around the side of his house, it was rusty and old due to the lack of use and the neglect but it would have to do for now.

____

Niall is waiting for him expectantly, the level of excitement was given away just by the way he could barely keep still. So, once Louis stood beside him, Niall took off, giving Louis no warning. Louis swings his leg over and balances the tips of his old beat-up sneakers on the rough pavement, he kicks off and spares another glance up at his house as it disappears behind him.

____

Louis tries to ask Niall multiple times where they are going but he always replied with "you'll see." Louis had never been fond of surprises but since it's Niall who's behind it, he isn't too concerned. 

____

As he continues to follow closely behind he realises where he might possibly be taking him. The oval not too far from his small suburban street that they used to kick a ball around whenever they got bored - it was something he genuinely missed.

____

Niall dismounts and pushes his bike towards the gate that opens up to the oval, locking it up against the fence and Louis does the same. The gate was always locked so they both jumped over like they used to and Louis notices the soccer goals and the ball sat in the centre of the oval. This was never there before. The white paint was fresh, it smells a bit of car exhaust fumes mixed with spring meadow. The grass was a beautiful shade of green that made it obvious it was well nourished and freshly cut.

____

"Race ya to the ball," Niall grins, taking off and sprinting towards the ball. Louis lets a giddy smile capture his entire face as he and Niall fight for the ball, kicking it about and attempting to get it in each others goals.

____

Louis jumps up into the air, hoots and throws his arms up once he kicks the ball into the goal, he hasn't felt so much exhilaration and happiness ever since the holidays started. Niall had been away on a holiday throughout most of it which left him feeling alone and isolated.

____

"You know school starts again next Monday," Niall informs as they sit together on top of a hill that has the view of the oval and a large portion of the town. They both notice rain begins to spit but neither Niall or Louis seem to have a problem with it.

____

"Yeah," Louis huffs out a dry laugh, it was lonely during the holidays but he still didn't want to go back to school where he would be surrounded by loud, obnoxious teenagers. It was a catch 22, really.

____

"I missed you bud," Niall ribs. Louis wraps his arm around his shoulder and grins widely, to say he missed him too would be an understatement. He always texted him about how boring it was without him.

____

"Missed you too, Nialler."

____

"How was your holidays without me, huh?" Niall teases as he wiggles his eyebrows.

____

"If you call never once leaving your bedroom for anything other than buying more records for six weeks a holiday, then it was great."

____

"I'm sure it wasn't all bad, Tommo," Niall laughs and gives him another shoulder hug. Louis rolls his eyes but leans into Niall, staring off at the dampening field. 

____

Niall suggests they start to head home so they do, they laugh as they leave mud trails on the pavement but as they go to round the corner, Louis runs straight into someone coming the other way. They notice when a boy lets out a yelp, Louis must have pushed his bike into him.

____

"Sorry, sorry," Louis stutters out. He looks up to meet big green doe eyes, pale milky white skin, lips bitten red from the cold and a deep hinge of a jaw. He had curls spilling across his forehead, coiled tight at his ears and wavy and loose here and there. Louis couldn't help but blush profusely under the gaze of the boy.

____

"Don't worry, 's'alright," the boy laughs, dimples forming in his cheeks. Louis can't believe he's actually mentally screaming at how adorable the stranger is.

____

Niall smiles politely at the boy "Hey man, sorry 'bout that, we weren't looking."

____

"All good man, just really hurt my toe," he jokes, a bit breathless.

____

"Uh, sorry again." Louis doesn't know what to say to the boy, he doesn't know why he's so intimidated. He's literally rendered him speechless.

____

"Hey, it's fine, I promise." The boy holds an intense gaze making Louis feel weak, he even has to remind himself to blink - and breathe.

____

"Louis and I gotta head home, I'm Niall by the way." Niall doesn't seem to notice to the tension between Louis and the attractive stranger which Louis then mentally thanks him for being so oblivious.

____

"Harry," the boy says, his eyes flicker between the two and his expression turns almost emotionless.

____

"See you around." Louis starts to walk past him but his eye's remain on Harry's unreadable face.

____

"Hopefully," Harry sends him a small smile and turns away to continue making his way to wherever he was going.

____

Niall and Louis become silent as they continuing walking with their bikes, Louis attempts to blink away the blush stained on his cheeks whilst Niall remains oblivious, completely unaware to the effect Harry has on him. Niall has always been that way and although it's endearing how naive he is, it can also be a hassle when Louis wants to vent about something but doesn't want to be the one that brings it up.

____

Louis and Niall stop outside of Louis' house, the air is crisp due to the bitter wind and the dark clouds that merely got darker and somehow more ominous than before they left.

____

"Will I see you this weekend or on Monday?" Niall breaks the silence, Louis shrugs.

____

"Dunno, I'd rather not be alone ever again now that you're back," Louis explains. Niall smirks and nudges him playfully.

____

"Naw, hope you didn't miss me too much," Niall teases, wiggling his eyebrows. Louis rolls his eyes, ignoring his comment and waving him goodbye.

____

Louis lets his bike fall where he first found it, not really having much care in it's state, he's probably going to get a new one anyways. He kicks off his shoes before entering the house, mentally reminding himself that his mum will be on his ass about it and he really doesn't want to deal with her or anyone right now. He just feels far too lightheaded and his chest is in so much pain like his lungs are on fire, Louis assumes this is because of the lack of exercise he's been doing for the past six weeks.

____

Louis almost collapses on his bed, ever since he went out with Niall he felt an aching pain in his chest and he just wants to rest. He got under the covers, not bothered by the fact that he's still in his clothes and he tucks himself under. He didn't want to move, his only just noticed that his head was throbbing and the immense pain deepening in his chest.

____

He closes his eyes, hoping sleeping it off will rid the pain and that's it's just a mild headache or fever he was experiencing. Little did he know that it's much more than just a fever.

____


	2. two

'I've just seen a face

I can't forget the time or place

Where we just met'

Louis furrows his eyebrows, his record player softly playing The Beatles in the background as he traces the face that feels as if it's tattooed onto the back of his eyelids. He almost feels embarrassed about how much the boy takes up his thoughts.

It's a surprisingly cold afternoon, only a soft glow granted by the sun to give him light. He doesn't mind though, he prefers the cold. But only because he loves reading a book, wrapped in a soft blanket while drinking his amazing home made hot chocolate. Despite all that, the thought of school being the following day is pushed to the back of his mind as he puts all his focus and effort into the drawing on the piece of paper in front of him.

Louis smiles, more than he has in a while actually. For no other reason than the fact that he has inspiration, he has ideas, he has a desire. That desire being the pretty boy he ran into a few days before. Louis was never one to feel attraction towards others, he's never really had a crush - that is if you don't count the phase he had in year 7 where he claimed he liked a new girl each week. All because he felt left out since all his friends were talking about what girls they wanted to date.

He struggled with figuring out why he was the only one out of his group of friends that didn't have a genuine interest in dating or girls in general. Never did it occur to him that he could possibly be attracted to boys because he never really did have any attraction whatsoever. He researched this and tried to label himself, at first he thought he was asexual but later decided he was aromantic. With more research into the many possible sexualities he could be labeled as, he decided he didn't feel obliged to label himself. He thought it was unnecessary and irrelevant to who he was as a person and when he told Niall about all this, he was more than supportive of his feathery haired best friend.

Louis traces the shape of the boy's eyes, trying to recollect every detail from memory he can. He then adds colour to his drawing, filling the irises with light green that resembled freshly-cut grass. Soft, gentle and beautiful. Every stroke of detail only causes the tightening feeling he has in his lungs, like vines are growing through the organs in his chest, to worsen.

"Louis!" A voice calls from downstairs, his eyes flicker to the door and he lets out a painful sigh. He has no idea when breathing started to hurt so much but recently his chest has been aching with sharp pains every once in while.

He walks down the flight of stairs, already out of breath once he gets to the bottom floor. His mother is chopping carrots, an apron hugging her waist that had 'world's best mum' embroidered on the front. Louis lets out a dry laugh because how ironic? It's also funny because he was the one to get that for her for mothers day when he was only 8 years old. He was too naive to realise how controlling and manipulative she truly was.

"Yes?" Jay, Louis' Mum, lifts her head and gives him a small smile. Louis almost gasps at the sudden kindness she's portraying.

"Hello sweetie, I was just thinking you should go out for a bit."

He should've known there was a catch.

"Why?" Louis asks, his tone is bitter but he tries to mask it with an innocent smile.

"You haven't been out much, love." He could tell she's lying, it's obvious in the way her eyes flicker from his eyes to her hands.

"Okay."

-

"I don't wanna go to school tomorrow," Niall complains for probably the tenth time during the 5 minutes they've been walking.

"You didn't have to suffer alone is this boring town like I did for almost three months, did you?" Louis laughs dryly, his tone is full of amusement but it was truly a torturous three months.

"What did you even do?" Niall scoffs, Louis doesn't reply for a few moments, because what did he even do?

"I slept, I ate, I drew stuff and listened to my records," Louis huffs.

"Tragic."

"I only got inspiration for drawing that day we went to the oval, I felt like I could draw for weeks. Where was that inspiration when I needed it?" Louis rants, honestly feeling spiteful of his inconvenience.

"Aw, did I inspire you?" Niall teases, elbowing him in the ribs causing a squeak to escape Louis' lips.

"Fuck no, it wasn't you it was someone else," Louis blurts out without a single thought. His cheeks turn crimson once he comprehends the fact that Niall might catch onto what Louis said.

"Louis."

"Niall."

"Did something happen with your parents?" Niall asks timidly as if the subject would make Louis break down or isolate himself. Which sometimes Louis feels like that's not impossible.

"God, no!" Louis almost laughs in relief, he doesn't know if he prefers the idea of his parents being the reason or the actual source of his inspiration.

"Then what is it? You can't drop this on me and then just act like it never happened," Niall begins to gesticulate, his arms waving around as if it will prove his point.

"Mm, don't know if I should tell you," Louis hums. This riles Niall up more, giving Louis a challenging tilt to his lips.

"Do you like someone?" Niall asks in a whispered tone despite the fact no one's around. He feels like they are in primary school again.

Louis not so subtly avoids the question by walking hastily ahead with his heart beating in his ears.

"Oh my god!" Niall shrieks, pure elation evident in his tone and the beaming smile that stretches across his face. The shade of red only darkens on Louis' cheeks, he probably looks like a tomato with legs at this point.

Louis dismisses him with a short wave and when Niall doesn't stop nagging him, he starts to sprint towards to the oval. A small smile falls on his lips when he hears Niall cursing at him.

Once he reaches the oval, he slides his back against a nearby tree and relaxes completely. When Niall catches up to him shortly after, his teasing mood is replaced with a concerned grin when he notices the lack of colour in his best friend's face and the tears trailing down his cheeks silently.

"Louis? Are you okay?" Niall asks, kneeling down beside him. Louis can't manage to get any words out and just looks up at him with a pleading glare. Niall puts his hand on Louis' shoulder and gives him a reassuring hush. Niall notes that Louis looks so fragile right now and like he might break if he made one wrong movement, so his face softens and his tone is hushed.

"What happened?" Niall asks while rubbing his shoulder but only gets a painful grimace from Louis.

"Are you in pain?" Niall asks, trying to figure out what exactly is happening to his best friend. Louis can't even nod, the pain he's going through made him completely paralysed.

Niall grabs his hand. "Squeeze my hand if you're in pain."

Louis squeezes his hand lightly but that's all he could manage. It feels like there's liquid ice coursing through his arm, the type that's so cold it burns. Louis tries to breathe, but it hurts, and there's so much spinning around in his head and he doesn't understand what's happening.

"Squeeze my hand once if you want me to take you to the hospital and twice if you want me to take you home."

Louis squeezes twice. Niall frowns slightly but does as he wishes.

"Hey, what's going on here?"

And that's the last thing Louis hears before all he sees is black.

-

Louis opens his eyes for a brief second before keeping them shut due to the blindly bright sunlight that hits his eyes. His head is rolled to the side, his lips parted, and his eyes still closed. He can hear voices talking quietly about something he is completely unaware of so he tries to figure out what's happening by listening in on their conversation.

"Yeah, I just found him sat under a tree, completely paralysed."

Louis could tell it's Niall but he's not sure who he's talking to. It can't be his parents, they have no care in what happens to Louis, that was made loud and clear year's ago.

"That's strange." That's when Louis immediately recognises the other voice and smiles to himself. He's still confused - and slightly concerned - on why he's in what he assumes is his bedroom in the first place. He doesn't remember giving him his address or Niall ever befriending him.

"He doesn't want to see a doctor though, he's always been a bit iffy about hospitals. Trust me, he gets very stubborn about these kinds of things."

It's quiet for a moment, Louis almost starts to think that they left without him realising but then the deep rumble of Harry's voice breaks the short silence.

"If it happens again, make him go," He says seriously. Niall sighs, obviously torn between doing what Harry says or doing what Louis wants.

"He won't like that."

"Do what's best for him, alright?" Harry replies, and it sounds as though his jaw is slightly clenched. Louis' stomach churns at how much it seems like Harry actually cares about him. It's a nice concept.

"I will."

"I have to be home soon, so I'll leave you to it," Harry says softly, his tone almost sounds reluctant and Louis could die right then and there.

"Thanks for the help, by the way."

"It's fine, finding Louis passed out against a tree was the most interesting thing I've seen since I've moved here," Harry laughs. It sounded so beautiful and Louis' heart is pulsing. 

Once Harry leaves, he feels his chest tighten just that bit more and he wants to cry. He wants to cry so bad but he doesn't. He doesn't want to seem weak, even if it is only him and Niall left in the room.

"Louis, you awake?" Louis jumps at the sudden noise and his eyes open. Niall is towering over him, looking down at him sympathetically.

"Hmph," Louis mumbles, closing his eyes again.

Niall rolls his eyes fondly at him, his mouth curling into a half smile. Niall always felt like Louis was like a brother to him, it didn't help that they go to each others house's unannounced at any time without their parents even questioning it. Louis' house is like Niall's second home and same goes for Louis.

"Do you think you'll be alright for school?" Niall asks, his small smile twisting into a concerned frown. Louis opens his eyes, shrugs and stares up at his pasty white ceiling. Because all he knew about whatever was happening to him is that it's unpredictable.

There's a dip in the bed by his feet and looks down to notice that Niall has sat on the edge of his bed. He's playing with the hem of his shirt and it's obvious there's something bothering him.

"You alright, bud?" Louis asks nonchalantly. Niall lifts his head and his eyes flick to Louis and he shows a beaming smile that stretches across his face to answer Louis' question.

"You remember that guy we ran into? Harry?" Niall asks, Louis perks up at the familiar name - his face lighting up too much to not be noticeable but Niall either somehow doesn't notice or decides not to bring it up.

"Yeah," Louis drawls, attempting to seem disinterested. He isn't going to let a boy affect him this much after only a few days of knowing him.

"He helped me carry you here. You know, he doesn't live too far actually, just a few blocks down," Niall informs casually. Louis' heart beats in his ears dangerously. Harry not only took time out of his day to help take him home but he lives nearby which means seeing him might become a frequent thing.

"Seems like a nice guy," Louis muses. Niall nods, humming in agreement.

"You should get some rest," Niall says hesitantly. Louis turns over to bury his face in his pillow, muffling his groans. Niall giggles, patting his back as he stands up.

"See you at school tomorrow."


	3. three

Against the soft light of first dawn, Doncaster didn't seem so dull anymore. The power lines and houses silhouetted, usually he would ignore the outside world, engulfing himself in sleep until around midday but school is now unfortunately a priority.

By the time Louis gets himself out of bed, get's ready and meets Niall outside his house it's around 7 o'clock. Niall has his bike and offers Louis to hop on since he hadn't bothered to get a new bike yet. Louis gratefully climbs on, his feet stood on the pegs of the bike as he holds Niall's shoulders for his life.

And as soon as Niall pushes off, he regrets ever getting on.

"Niall, slow the fuck down!"

"Will you chill out, pussy?"

Louis' heart is beating in his ears and his chest tightens but when Niall drifts down the hill towards the school, cold wind whipping around his ears, he feels at ease. It's an odd feeling at first, due the fact he hasn't felt relaxed for a couple of days now and it's all been cold sweat and heavy panic, pain filling his lungs and his head pounding.

So to say it's a pretty good feeling would be an understatement.

"We're here, you alright now princess?" Niall bats his eyelashes teasingly. Louis rolls his eyes.

"Oh shut up."

Niall chains his bike up to the school's bike rack, his hand hovering over the code even if it's just Louis behind him.

"Alright, let's go find the rest," Niall claps his hands and turns on his heels to walk into the school.

"Liam," Louis corrects. Niall waves his hand at him dismissively - a smile still stretched across his face - not wanting to deal with Louis' pessimism and negativity.

Niall and Louis find Liam, but not alone like they first thought.

"I heard he was kicked out of at least 5 schools already," Someone who he thinks is called Alex states, demanding the attention of everyone at the table. Louis sits down beside Liam, Niall joining by slotting in beside him.

"Yeah, apparently he brought a knife to school!"

"Did he actually?" There's a chuckled gasp from around their table.

"Who we talking 'bout?" Niall interrupts.

"The new kid, Harry Styles."

Niall turns to Louis, his eyebrow raised and a small smirk tugging at his lips. Louis smiles at the mention of his name but it turns into a slight frown once he realises what has been said.

"Yeah, sorry to break it to you but that's all bullshit," Niall snickers. And that gets everyone's attention.

"How do you know?" Someone asks, speaking for everyone else as the rest of the table hums or nods at the question.

"Louis and I know him, he's a lovely guy. Helped me take Louis home when he passed out." The table erupts in chatter, debating whether to trust Niall but honestly, Louis can't mentally thank Niall enough for actually sticking up for Harry. Although, Louis shouldn't expect anything else from Niall, he has always been one to stick up for others - it's how they became friends.

"There he is," a hushed whisper catches the tables attention and Louis turns to see Harry. Who else? His hair appears to have no effort put into it but the way his curls spill so effortlessly on his head somehow works so well. He's wearing black jeans that hugs his waist perfectly and a loose white shirt with what he assumes is a band logo of some sort on it. Of course, Louis thinks he looks absolutely gorgeous but the bitter whispers and harsh glares indicate that the rest of the table would not so politely disagree with that thought.

And that's when Niall decides he knows the best way to set off the others sat at the table.

"Hey Harry!" Niall calls out, waving him over. Harry looks up from his timetable and he smiles, so much that his dimples form in his cheeks and Louis thinks he might melt. He strides over, his timetable tucked under his arm and a small smile on his lips.

"Hi Niall, hi Louis," Harry says almost timidly and the way he says Louis' name makes his heart pound but Louis shakes his head, trying to rid the thought.

"Hi Harry, want to join Louis, Liam and I with a game of football after school? We need one more player for even teams," Niall offers. Louis' eyes widen at the request but compared to the look on everyone else at the table's faces, it's not very noticeable.

"Sure," Harry says softly, his mouth curling into a half smile. Louis' breath leaves his chest.

"Hey, do you want me to help you out with that?" Niall asks, gesturing to the timetable still tucked under his arm. Harry nods shyly, finally noticing the amount of eyes following his every move.

"Harry, is it?" Liam finally speaks, causing Louis and Niall to send him pleading glares as if to say the inaudible words of 'don't be a dick'.

"That's me," Harry says, his lips pulled into a closed mouth smile.

"How about I show you around? Show you where your classes are," Liam asks and Niall and Louis can't believe what they just heard. Liam, the same guy who was just in a conversation with a full table of people about how awful Harry is, just offered Harry help.

"That'd be great," Harry gratefully accepts his offer and then Liam leads him away.

"What just happened?" Niall lets out a chuckled gasp. Louis throws his head back and laughs at that and lets the giddy smile capture his entire face.

Niall and Louis decide to leave the table full of malicious and harsh comments and sit at their own table, the one where they usually meet Liam.

"Do you think Liam genuinely wanted to help him out?" Louis wonders out loud. Niall shrugs.

Niall's mouth twists into a small grin. "It's Liam, he's too sweet to do anything remotely malicious," He snickers. Louis nods in agreement because it's true, he couldn't hurt a fly.

"Hello lads," Zayn hollers, sitting beside Louis and squishing him up against the wall the table's sat next to. Louis rolls his eyes.

"Hi Zayn, you're actually at school today?" Niall asks in disbelief, his tone dripping with amusement nevertheless.

"Believe it or not I actually missed my favourite losers," Zayn gives them a wink and hangs an arm around Louis' shoulders loosely. Louis huffs dramatically, a small smile tugging at his lips.

"Where's Liam?" Zayn asks, finally noticing the absence of the other friend.

Niall shrugs. "Somewhere with Harry."

-

"I haven't introduced myself so let me tell you about myself, I'm Liam Payne, I think you already know my friends Niall and Louis," Liam rambles. Harry nods attentively, following as Liam guides him to his locker.

"Niall is a bit loud but caring and thoughtful and Louis, he's hilarious and a real nice guy but he can be self reserved and quiet when he wants to be," Liam continues, earning more nods and hums on Harry's behalf.

"Sometimes Zayn hangs out with us but he never really shows up to school, you're more than welcome to join us. I know how difficult it is to move away from everything you know and start again completely alone," Liam grins, placing a hand on Harry's shoulder once they reach his locker. Harry smiles gratefully.

"This is your locker, you have classes with at least one of us in each. I think you're in Lou and Nialler's homeroom," Liam bites his lip, his eyes flicking over Harry's timetable while Harry stood by awkwardly, not really knowing what to do nor say.

"Thanks," Harry mumbles timidly. He's almost overwhelmed with how kind Liam, Niall and Louis have been to him. He already feels like he's apart of something.

"No worries, mate. You still playing footie with Niall, Louis and I?" Liam asks, his head slightly tilted.

"Of course, just don't know much about what's happening," Harry smiles softly, feeling more comfortable by the minute.

"Hold on, what's your number mate? I'll add you to our group chat."

Harry recites his number out loud and just like that, he's got himself a new group of friends.


	4. four

_Liam added an unknown number_

**Louis:** who's that?

**Niall:** today I found out hitler isn't a rapper

**Louis:** are you fucking kidding?

**Niall:** EVER SINCE 4TH GRADE I THOUGHT HILTER WAS A RAPPER

**Louis:** do you not listen in history?

**Niall:** that's my nap class

**Louis:** makes sense

**Liam:** Harry. He's coming with us to play football, right?

**Louis:** wait what

**Harry:** : hello!

**Niall:** hi harry! welcome to our cult.

**Louis:** we're actually living in a simulation, none of this is real

**Niall:** justin bieber is actually a reptile

**Louis:** beyoncé is actually dead and has been replaced by a clone

**Niall:** I thought she was a reptile as well?

**Louis:** no she's in the illuminati, duh

**Liam:** can you both shut up with the conspiracy theories?

**Liam:** Louis, Niall, explain to Harry what's happening

**Louis:** oval, 5:30, bring yourself.

**Niall:** yeah because he was going to show up without actually being there

**Louis:** choke on my dick, leprechaun

**Niall:** you can't choke on something that small, your dick is like baby food

**Louis:** I'm coming over

**Niall:** tmi

**Louis:** I hate you so much

**Zayn:** can y'all shut up I'm trying to sleep

**Liam:** it's 4:46pm in the afternoon

**Zayn:** I'm aware, mother

**Harry:** I'll see you guys there :)

Louis grins fondly at his phone, his back resting against his window pane. His feathery, light brown hair is dishevelled and his fringe drapes over his eyes like a curtain. He really loves his group of friends and the fact Harry might become apart of it only makes Louis' feel insanely giddy.

it's 4:50pm and he has 40 minutes until he has to hang out with Harry and his friends and he's not sure how he'll cope. What if he embarrasses himself? What if Harry doesn't like his friends? What if Harry doesn't like him?

To relax his thoughts, Louis places a newly bought vinyl on the turntable of his record player and gently places the needle on the record and lets it set, the sound sending tingles down his spine.

For a change, it isn't the beatles, instead he decides he wants to listen to a recent artist he had discovered while he was searching for something new to listen to, Hozier. Louis immediately becomes limp, his eyes falling shut and he lets out long steady breaths. All the tension melts through his fingers, his lungs don't feel so tight and his head is no longer throbbing painfully.

_She's gonna save me, call me baby_

__

_Run her hands through my hair_

__

__

__

_She'll know me crazy, soothe me daily_

____

__

____

_Better yet she wouldn't care_

_____ _

__

_____ _

_We'll steal a Lexus, be detectives_

______ _ _

__

______ _ _

_Ride 'round picking up clues_

_______ _ _ _

__

_______ _ _ _

_We'll name our children Jackie and Wilson_

________ _ _ _ _

__

________ _ _ _ _

_Raise 'em on rhythm and blues_

________ _ _ _ _

"Louis!"

________ _ _ _ _

Louis jumps, letting out a small squeal before huffing and crossing his arms childishly. Recently, Niall seems to have a tendency to just walk in his room unannounced and Louis can't help but find it endearing.

________ _ _ _ _

"Fuck you, Niall." Niall only laughs more, he rests one hand on his stomach and the other on his knee, attempting to catch his breath but choked out laughs only interrupts each breath he tries to take. Louis pouts, sticking out his bottom lip.

________ _ _ _ _

"Yeah yeah, come on. The lads are waiting for us." Niall rolls his eyes, beckoning for Louis to follow as he walks down the stairs to the front door.

________ _ _ _ _

Once again, Louis' stuck on the back of Niall's bike. Not that he minds. Louis raises his head up, glancing at the sky for a brief moment. The sky is a light orange with a tinge of pink, his slight nerves washing away as he inhales the fresh, bitter cold air.

________ _ _ _ _

Louis looks back ahead, noticing that they're not too far from the oval now. He can even see the other boys already kicking a ball around as they wait for Louis and Niall's arrival.

________ _ _ _ _

Niall pulls to a stop by the gate, Louis steps off and that's when it all comes crashing down. He spots Harry with Liam, his face lights up with a wide smile that engulfs his entire face. His head falls back as his beautiful, _intoxicating_ laugh fills his ears. Everything about him just seems far too ethereal to Louis.

________ _ _ _ _

Niall jumps over the fence and Louis follows suit, somehow not tripping over himself. They approach the boys and when Harry eventually notices their presence, Louis' breath leaves his chest. Everything will be fine.

________ _ _ _ _

"Look who finally decided to show up," Liam hollers. Niall simply replies by flipping him off.

________ _ _ _ _

"It's not my fault sleeping beauty decided to take another nap," Niall says, nodding his head in Louis' direction.

________ _ _ _ _

Louis punches Niall softly, still earning a whine from Niall. "Let me live, are we gonna play or what?"

________ _ _ _ _

Liam nods, kicking the ball to Louis. "Harry and I verses you and Niall, let's go boys."

________ _ _ _ _

Louis smirks, feeling the confidence he hasn't had in a while but desperately needs finally kick in. "Bring it."

________ _ _ _ _

He dribbles with the ball, his heart racing and the adrenaline pumping. Louis kicks the ball past Harry with ease, keeping his eyes trained on the ball to avoid unnecessary eye contact with Harry because he knows all the confidence he has left in him will be knocked right out of him with just a single glance.

________ _ _ _ _

Louis notices Niall near the goals and Liam trying his best to guard it. Louis dribbles the ball further and just as he was about to pass it to Niall, he trips over something and falls face first in the dirt. And everything hurts.

________ _ _ _ _

"Shit, Louis, I'm so sorry."

________ _ _ _ _

Louis pushes himself up from the ground painfully, sitting down on the muddy grass. By the time he lifts his head, all the boys are surrounding him but what makes things worse is the small proximity between him and Harry since he decided to lean down and place his large hand on his shoulder. Louis shivers at the touch, blushing unintentionally.

________ _ _ _ _

"You alright, mate?" Niall asks, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. Louis shrugs, with a slight wince, he really just wants Harry to stop being so close to him. Harry can probably feel his heartbeat pounding throughout his entire body.

________ _ _ _ _

"You guys keep playing, I'll stay with him," Harry says, his lips pulled into a line.

________ _ _ _ _

_Great, just fucking great._

________ _ _ _ _

Louis glances down shamefully, he knows it's just Harry looking down at him now and the thought makes him squirm and he doesn't know why. Why does he feel this way?

________ _ _ _ _

"We should probably move if we don't want a ball to the face," Harry says with an amused grin on his lips. Louis wishes he could hate Harry right now but it's impossible and he knows that. He's too much of kind, genuine person that is almost impossible to ever be mad at and that just makes it so much harder for Louis.

________ _ _ _ _

Night sufficiently ruined, and feeling particularly, overdramatically ashamed, Louis finally decides to stand up, stumbling over his feet a bit but Harry grabs a hold onto his arm and wraps his other arm around his waist to keep him balanced. Louis blushes profusely, feeling like his chest is being stabbed by millions of tiny knives but quickly tries to pull himself together.

________ _ _ _ _

His lungs feel like they've just been set on fire and the arm that Harry is holding onto feels numb and Louis doesn't know whether he likes the feeling or not. It's all quite overwhelming really, Harry can turn Louis into a blushing mess that doesn't how to communicate properly and it scares Louis that Harry has that much of an effect on him.

________ _ _ _ _

"I'm sorry about tripping you over," Harry apologises for the umpteenth time as he helps him over to the tree by the gate, only reminding Louis of the time he passed out under that very tree.

________ _ _ _ _

"u-uh, yeah it's alright," Louis stutters softly, looking up and finally meeting Harry's emerald eyes. Harry lights up at that and Louis feels like he's slowly dying inside.

________ _ _ _ _

They reach the tree after a few moments of uncomfortable silence — on Louis' behalf — where Harry helps Louis sit down beneath it, plopping himself beside him with their arms brushing together due to the close proximity and somehow Louis' heart starts racing faster than it was before. He feels like he's going to be sick.

________ _ _ _ _

"How are you feeling?" Harry asks after a painfully long silence and yeah maybe Louis feels slightly bad for making the situation uncomfortable but if he didn't have an insanely massive crush on Harry, maybe things would be a lot different.

________ _ _ _ _

"Fine," Louis mumbles, staring down at his hands squirming in his lap.

________ _ _ _ _

"Okay," Harry sighs and that's when Louis finally looks at him and he is drawn to his lips instantly. He almost shudders as Harry tilts his head back, exposing the rough cut of his jaw as he watches the loud boys still kicking the ball around on the field. Louis tries to remind himself to blink, to stare out onto the field instead of at Harry's mouth.

________ _ _ _ _

Harry looks at Louis, his head still leaning against the tree and smirks. "Whatcha looking at?"

________ _ _ _ _

Louis almost chokes, he feels so flustered and his face must be the darkest shade of red possible. "Nothing," Louis manages to get out of his fit of coughs.

________ _ _ _ _

"You alright?"

________ _ _ _ _

"I'm fine, just fucking great."

________ _ _ _ _

That was a lie.

________ _ _ _ _

"I feel like I'm going to be sick." And that's when everything in his stomach is now on the damp ground, blood red sick dripping through his fingers. Not only is his vomit a dark red but in the mix of the thick liquid he finds magenta petals, his eyes widening at the discovery.

________ _ _ _ _

"Louis, you should go home," Harry frowns which startles Louis because he almost forgot he was there. Louis stands up, kicking dirt over whatever he just emptied from his gut. He doesn't recall eating a fucking flower.

________ _ _ _ _

Harry follows. "Let me take you home," He pleads, guilt somewhat evident in his tone. After all, he was the one who tripped him.

________ _ _ _ _

"Just leave me alone, I can get home by myself." Louis flicks Harry's out stretched arm away, his voice loud enough to scare Harry. He didn't know Louis could get so mad, another thing that he doesn't know is why Louis got mad.

________ _ _ _ _

Harry watches as Louis paces onto the street, his fists clenched and knuckles turning white. Louis disappeared down the street that leads to his house, leaving Harry dumbfounded and speechless. Harry tries to grasp onto the situation but he finds himself unable to think anything else other than what just happened?

________ _ _ _ _


	5. five

Louis watches his fingers disappear into a web of chocolate strands, the soft curls tangling around his fingers. And then he smiles, rosy lips with smooth cracks, perfect pearly white teeth making a small appearance. His green irises dripping with pure bliss, happiness but not love. The love that lies between them is not mutual and tragically remains one-sided.

"I love you," He tells him.

"I'm sorry but I don't love you," He replies.

He looks away, blue cannot see green and now all he sees is red — rose petals and blood from his lungs.

He's alone. Darkness and blood, black and red.

Love lies with Louis but not with him.

Louis wakes up, cursing himself for letting Harry have so much control over him. He is sick of him being the subject of his dreams. He sat up, needing to puke once again and the piercing feeling in his lungs only worsened. His toilet is now stained in what he realises is blood and magenta rose petals. It's so strange that it makes him feel dizzy, he finds it so difficult to comprehend and understand.

He sits in front of his laptop, trying to figure out what is happening to him and as Niall always says when he asks him anything—google it. So that's what he's going to do.

Louis types out 'why do i throw up blood and roses' into the search bar, hitting enter and is met with millions and millions of pages about vomiting blood and the causes, symptoms and diagnosis but nothing about roses.

He investigates further, hoping that maybe it's just a rare thing that he'll have to dig a little bit deeper to discover. He does just this, searching for hours but the only websites that have any relevance are about dogs that eat flowers without their owner's knowledge and Louis is sure he is not a dog and does not eat flowers.

Eventually Louis gives up, not finding anything remotely helpful. His eyes are somehow instantly drawn to the cardboard box full of records tucked underneath his desk, the edges ripped and torn. He closes his laptop, picks up the box and places it on his desk.

It kind of fucked him up that the only escape he had from his childhood traumas was given to him by the biggest trauma in his life.

_"Happy birthday, buddy." His Father ruffled his hair fondly, placing a huge, imposing box in front of him. Louis giggled giddily, his smile was beaming and bright._

_"What is it?" Louis asked impatiently once he noticed the tape preventing him from opening the box. His Dad smirked, grabbing a knife and opening the box for the excited, impatient boy._

_Louis opened the box, his eyes almost bulging out of his head. It was all of Louis' favourite records. Over the past few years Troy—Louis' Dad—had noticed that Louis has taken a liking to his records. Whenever he would put on one of his records, Louis would actually leave his room instead of hiding from him. It made him feel like he still had a chance to regain the trust of his own son._

_"Thank you, Dad!" Louis smiled gratefully, his tone dripping with something he hadn't heard in a while — happiness. Also something Troy hadn't been able to give his son in years._

_During the following months everything only went downhill, Louis had completely isolated himself from everyone, including his friends that he isn't afraid of generally but is afraid of them finding out what really happens behind closed doors._

_The loud, menacing clashing, yelling and physical violence was traumatising beyond belief to a 10 year old. Louis kept his eyes clenched shut, unaware of what was happening outside of the safety of his bedroom. He was sick of hearing it, he didn't want to be scared anymore._

_Louis crawled out from under his covers, pulling the box of records from under his bed and picked a random record and pulled out the disc. He grabbed a flashlight he hid under his pillow and turned it on, shining it on the record player on his desk._

_He placed the disc onto the turntable and clumsily fumbled with the needle settling it towards the centre of the disc, not that he minded since it started playing what he recognised as the beatles. It also happened to be his favourite song at the moment, so to block out unwanted noises coming from the other side of the wall he softly hummed along to the music that sent shivers down his spine and gave him goosebumps all over._

_'Love, love, love_

_Love, love, love_

_Love, love, love_

_There's nothing you can do that can't be done_

_Nothing you can sing that can't be sung_

_Nothing you can say, but you can learn how to play the game_

_It's easy'_

_And in that moment of fear, loneliness and the knotted feeling in the pit of his stomach, he felt safe. He felt happy._ Louis stares at the box, memories flooding his thoughts causing his chest to tighten and he found it difficult to breathe. It's all far too overwhelming with everything going on right now. 

_______________Louis picks it up, his fingers wrapping around the edges of the worn out cardboard and carefully places it in front of him. The vinyls are unorganised and messy and his eyes found no comfort in the box overflowing with used records. He flicks through slowly, realising each record has a memory attached to them, a special meaning only he understands._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________He is well aware the way he was raised is not ideal, it's not how it should of been done but he was only a child. He was too naive and unaware of how wrong everything was because he hadn't experience anything else._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________Maybe the reason Louis has found it difficult to make friends is all because of the lack of attention and affection he got as he grew up, growing accustomed to the verbal downgrading abuse and the neglect he got from his parents._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________Louis convinced himself that it wasn't his fault, that is wasn't his parents fault but instead it was the way their lives turned out, the misfortune of events that have turned this once happy family into almost the opposite of what is used to be._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________Louis breathes out long and slow pushes the box away, peering down at the street outside his window. The streetlights flicker against the beginnings of the lilac sky, the quaint little buildings row by row, cream and faded blue. Louis thinks it's beautiful and he doesn't know why._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________Maybe it's because the colour of the cream houses remind him of his milky skin, soft and pale. Maybe it's the sun that claws its way up the sky that makes him picture the way the colours created by the sunrise would dance over his cheekbones and the deep hinge of his jaw. He's absolutely whipped, no doubt about it._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________Louis' hears a buzzing, preventing him from getting deeper into thought. He knows it's Liam calling him but he doesn't want to talk, he just wants to cry but even that hurts._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________There's another buzz but this time it's not from Liam, instead it's a text from Niall._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________**Niall:** hey bud, liam and i are worried about you. why weren't you at school?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________**Louis:** : sick_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________**Niall:** we miss you, we're going to that record shop you love tomorrow if you want to join._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________**Louis:** uh yes please, i need to find that Oasis album i've been looking for._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________**Niall:** liam says don't complain if it isn't there_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________**Louis:** tell liam i said suck my dick_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________**Niall:** will do!_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_______________Louis smiles, for the first time today but then it fades away once he feels it come up, his lungs screaming and his chest aching. He runs and empties his stomach in the already blood stained toilet bowl but he doesn't move from the cold tiled floor, instead he stares down at the shades of red and the lumps of petals attempting to fathom what it is he's experiencing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	6. six

"I am _distressed_ ," Louis whines to Niall and Liam as he reaches the end of the record stand. "I've looked everywhere, I've looked at every store but it isn't here, it isn't anywhere."

"Chill out, will you?" Liam sighs. "Just ask the manager if they have it out back or something."

"I've been looking for this album for months, Liam," Louis says dejectedly. Liam rolls his eyes.

"Why don't you get something else? Like," Liam picks up a random vinyl. "Taylor Swift?"

Louis scoffs. "I will never pay for that _trash._ "

Niall starts laughing but then receives a bitter stare from Liam that shuts him up completely. "Then go ask the manager if they have it out back."

Louis sighs in defeat, knowing that he actually has to go up to someone and ask them for something. _What a strange concept._

"Liam, did you really suggest Taylor Swift?" Niall teases. Liam and Niall begin to bicker beside Louis as he drags his fingers along the top of the records again, flicking through them randomly and watching the colours change.

Louis always enjoys casually browsing through records, so, even though just this morning he was puking up the petals from what he feels like is growing through his lungs, he was ready when Niall texted him to come outside and get in the backseat because Liam called shotgun.

His minds drifts, smiling to himself unintentionally whilst not really paying attention until he hears a familiar voice behind him. He freezes.

Louis turns his head to see Harry with Niall and Liam, still bickering about nothing important and his heart falls through his stomach. He's wearing the same black skinny jeans and boots but this time with a white Fleetwood Mac shirt, his hair once again spilling about outrageously. He makes Louis' cheeks flush.

Harry realises Louis sees him and he gives him a small unsure smile. "Hi Louis," Harry says hesitantly, voice deep and smooth. Louis can tell there's still tension between them, since the last time they talked, it ended with Louis leaving rather abruptly and dramatically.

"Hey," he replies, after a beat too long. "What are you doing here?"

"Same as you," Harry grins. "Find anything?"

"No, I can't find this album I've been looking for since I popped out the womb," Louis complains, almost completely forgetting who he's talking to. Although the pain in his chest gives him a small reminder.

"What one?" Harry asks slightly amused and with a tilt of his head.

"Some Oasis album he's been blabbing about," Niall answers, joining in on their conversation. Louis rolls his eyes.

"Oh," Harry thinks for a moment until his eyes light up with recognition. "The what's the story morning glory one?"

Louis perks up at title, nodding giddily. "Yes, that one. You know it?"

"I actually have it," Harry smiles. Louis didn't know he could like this boy more than he already does but Harry just keeps on surprising him, and he hates it. "You listen to Oasis?"

"Liam Gallagher is a fucking legend," Louis rambles. "They're one of the first bands I've ever really heard of. My dad would play Oasis' older albums when I was younger and I always remember stealing his records and sneaking them in my room."

Harry nods tentatively, smiling at him. "I can bring it over after school tomorrow?"

"Yes, please," Louis answers, a little breathless. Harry smiles at him and Louis feels dizzy just at the sight of the dimples in his cheeks.

"Louis, you alright bud?" Niall asks, Louis looks over to see Liam and Niall looking at him with furrowed eyebrows and small frowns.

"Yeah, just still a bit sick."

"You look pale," Niall comments. Liam nods from beside him.

"Can we go?" Louis asks, wanting to be away from Harry as soon as possible because the concern and disappointment on Harry's face only makes it so much worse.

"Yeah, I'll drop you home. Liam you can stay with Harry if you'd like?" Niall offers. Liam nods, his lips pursed. Niall takes Louis home and leaves Harry once again lost and confused.

-

"What's with you lately?"

Niall is sat at the edge of Louis' bed, forming a dip beside him. Louis shrugs, trying to make it seem like he's nonchalant. In reality, he can feel hot panic seeping through him and he's not sure what Niall will think of the strange occurrences that he has been experiencing lately.

"Have you gotten a check up or anything?" Niall asks but all he gets from Louis is uncomfortable silence. Niall sighs.

"Can you please tell me what's going on?" Niall presses and this time Louis is the one who sighs.

Louis swallows around the lump in his throat. "Promise that you won't tell anyone? Especially the other boys?" Louis asks timidly as his stomach quivers. Niall nods hesitantly, knowing that it must be serious.

"Recently I've been going through a lot of...pain," Louis pauses and swallows thickly. "I've been throwing up a lot but not anything that's usually in vomit," Louis explains and gestures vaguely as if it will help the following statement seem less absurd than it really is.

"What do you mean?" Niall questions, his brows furrowed and his nose wrinkled.

"I've been throwing up blood and...rose petals?"

There's an uncomfortable beat that passes and Louis isn't sure how Niall is taking it but the widened eyes and the lack of dialogue between them gives him a vague idea.

"Rose petals?" Niall repeats. "You're fucking with me, right?"

Louis shakes his head, almost shamefully. "I wish I was."

"This is actually insane," Niall gapes, beyond disbelief. "If this is a joke I'm going to fucking end you."

"It's not," Louis says, his tone soft and small. "I'm scared, Niall."

Niall's face softens, he scoots closer to Louis and lies down beside him. Louis wants to cry, his whole body is shaking and now that someone knows the secret he's been trying to cover up for the last few days, he feels relieved. Actually, he feels more than relieved, he feels like he isn't alone in this anymore.

"How long?" Niall asks, breaking the somewhat comfortable silence.

"Huh?"

"How long has this been happening?" Niall repeats. Louis stiffens, knowing he's going to have to tell him. He's going to have to tell him that the pain, the roses, the blood, it all happens when Harry is around or when he's merely thinking of him.

"If we're talking about pain, do you remember the day you first came back? The day we met Harry?" Louis asks, finally meeting Niall's eyes.

"Shit, Louis," Niall huffs, his tone dripping in concern. "What about the vomiting?"

"The day Harry played football with us," Louis answers after a few moments of silence.

"Louis," Niall sighs, panic written on his face. "This sounds like this myth I read online a while ago."

"Wait, what?" Louis sits up, his attention grasped.

"Yeah, this disease, it's Japanese I think. It's like caused by unrequited love I think? Or maybe it was something else... Anyways, the person who has the disease would like, throw up flowers and shit," Niall explains and Louis feels like he might faint. Right there, right now.

"Shit, do you remember what it's called?" Louis asks and Niall freezes.

"Louis, I did mention that it's a myth, right? Like something you'd find on urban dictionary?"

Louis shrugs. "I still want to know what it is."

"You have to be in love with someone, Louis," Niall reasons, assuming it'll shut down the conversation topic. Louis doesn't reply.

"Louis."

"Niall."

"You're not in love with someone, right?" Niall asks, even if he already knows the answer. He just can't believe it.

"I don't know, can you just find out what it's called?" Louis begs, Niall drops it and does as he asks, knowing that Louis' isn't quite ready for that just yet.

Niall pulls out his phone that was tucked in his back pocket and opens google, putting keywords such as unrequited love disease and throwing up flower petals illness into the search bar. He clicks on the first link to come up and his stomach drops.

"The Hanahaki disease," Niall says, a little breathless, his fingers shaking slightly. "The Hanahaki Disease is an illness born from one-sided love, where the patient throws up and coughs of flower petals when they suffer from unrequited love. The infection can be removed through surgery, but the feelings disappear along with the petals."

"Fuck," Is all Louis can manage to say. He had been confused, scared and felt so fucking insane for the past few days and the cause of it all, is just as absurd. It doesn't make any sense, isn't it a myth? This shouldn't be happening.

"I'm so sorry, Lou," Niall frowns. He reaches over to Louis and pulls him closer, Louis is just so frangible right now, so he leans into the touch. He's going to need all the support that he can get but he doesn't want anyone else to know, especially Harry.


	7. seven

The next days starts miserably. When the clouds roll over the hills they're dark and intimidating, and they stretch across the sky menacingly. Louis' has dried up blood trailing down his chin, his eyes are red from being deprived of sleep and his chest still aches. Everything hurts.

Louis arrives to school at lot earlier than usual, hoping it'll make avoiding a certain someone a lot easier. Although, unfortunately things do not turn out as he wants and he finds himself sat right beside him with Niall, Liam _and_ Zayn.

"Hey, Louis, what do we have first up?" Harry asks, leaning so close to Louis that he could feel the warmth from his breath and it made him shiver all down his spine. He hates it.

"We have music and English," Louis replies, attempting to seem as nonchalant as possible.

"Oh yeah! I have two periods with you," Harry beams oblivious to the way Louis tenses up visibly. Although Niall notices and shoots him a knowing look.

"Yeah."

Harry frowns. "Is there something wrong, Lou?"

Lou? Lou. Yeah, _Lou_ is pretty sure he's going into cardiac arrest right now with the way his lungs feel like they're being stabbed by a million knives whilst simultaneously being set on fire. He doesn't think this is healthy.

"No, I've just been having chest pains, 's all," Louis manages. Niall notices.

"Hey Harry, did you bring that vinyl that Louis never shuts up?" Niall asks. Louis really wishes he'd just shut up right about now.

"Shit, I forgot. Is it okay if we go back to mine to pick it up?" Harry asks, Louis' blue eyes meeting his intimidating, painfully pretty green eyes.

"Yeah, that's okay," Louis replies somewhat breezily, his inner turmoil thankfully not inflecting itself in his speech. "We might have to walk because I usually ride on the back of Niall's bike."

"I can drive," Harry offers, their arms slightly touching due to the close proximity.

 _Kill me now_ , is all Louis thinks "Okay, sounds good." _I'm well and truly fucked. Shit, shit, shit._

Harry beams at that—fucking _beams_ —why does he want Louis dead? Louis is almost certain that he won't make it till the end of the week alive if this keeps up.

-

Throughout the day, Louis notices that Harry seems to make more of an effort to talk to him. It's rather worrying considering what Harry does to him. There's no other way to put it; he's absolutely fucked.

Harry sat next to him in music, in English, in Science and in History. The only break he had from him was in Drama and Math since they weren't in the same classes. The problem is, Louis doesn't hate it. He loves all the attention, he loves that Harry feels the most comfortable with him. He just hates the pain that comes with it.

It only gets worse when Louis is in the passenger seat of Harry's car, sitting in comfortable, peaceful silence.

"Lou?" Harry says, his eyes still on the road. Louis hums in response, despite the slight pain he receives from the nickname, he's nevertheless somewhat more confident in how he communicates to Harry.

"Can I ask you something?" He asks, Louis gulps not really knowing what to expect.

"Of course," Louis replies timidly.

"I know we're just going back to mine to pick up my vinyl but I was wondering if you wanted to stay for a bit, I mean you don't have to, it's just... I was really worried about the whole moving schools thing and you, Niall, Liam and Zayn have made me feel really welcomed and I just thought getting closer to some of you wouldn't hurt, you know?" Harry rambles, almost absentmindedly. Louis nods attentively, although his head is pounding and everything seems to be blurring together and he doesn't know how he'll be able to be with him alone for such a long period of time.

"And I feel like I've already found a really great group of friends in all of you and—"

"Harry," Louis interrupts. Somehow.

"Louis," Harry replies, grinning sheepishly. Louis might have a heart malfunction any moment now.

"Yes, I'll stay but I'm going to have to get back before dinner or my mum will, first yell at me for missing dinner and then claim she'll never feed me again and that she won't even care if I starve," Louis jokes with a grin that causes the crinkles to appear from around his eyes. Harry laughs, a genuine laugh at that.

"Yeah, I've been there," Harry muses. Louis stares at him while he watches the road carefully, he notices his eyebrows furrow whenever he really focuses and if he's lucky, he'll pull his lips into a tight line and a dimple will make a small appearance in his left cheek. He's so pretty, lovely and Louis thinks he's ethereal but he's so _fucking_ oblivious and causes Louis unbelievable pain. If it wasn't for his unfortunate feelings, Louis thinks they would be the best of friends.

"We're here," Harry announces, as he catches Louis staring at him. Louis looks down at his lap the second he realises and Harry being Harry doesn't think _anything_ of it whatsoever. Harry gets out of the car and waits until Louis has gotten out and finally locks his car once Louis is standing beside him uncomfortably. Of course, Harry doesn't notice that either.

It's when Louis follows timidly behind Harry as he makes his way to the door is when the realisation sets in. He's going to be Harry's home, which means he might meet Harry's family. He doesn't know if he'll cope.

There's a creaking porch step, then Louis is standing in front of the landing. Harry pulls a key from his back pocket and unlocks the door breezily, Louis goes into panic mode. He only gets a brief glance at the small—almost lifeless—kitchen before Harry pulls him up the staircase, mouth set into a little line.

The first thing he notices about Harry's room is that it's entirely different to what he ever expected. Every inch of the walls is covered in posters, Fleetwood Mac, Paul Simon, The Rolling Stones, Elvis Presley, The Beatles, every single crevice overlapped and hidden by colour. It's so bloody endearing, Louis marvels at it.

His bed is shoved up against the wall, the sheets plain and evidently unmade. Louis also notices there's still a few boxes that are yet to be unpacked from Harry's move. There's also a guitar in the corner and a giant, _giant_ stack of records. Not even he has that many records. 

Harry shuts the door once Louis walks further in the bedroom and just looks around his room in awe.

"Louis."

"Huh?" Louis replies, not really paying any attention. Harry laughs.

"You're happy to be here," he says.

"Yeah, 'm psyched," Louis huffs out a laugh. Harry grins at him and Louis' heart beats a little harder in his chest.

"Anyways," Harry starts, his lips twist in a way that shows he's thinking. "Let me go find that record we came here for in the first place."

He moves across the room and begins flicking through his records stacked in several piles on his desk. When he finds the one he's looking for, he lets out a little sound of triumph. Louis grins when he recognises the album art.

"Here, you can have it you want," Harry says as he passes him the vinyl. Louis shakes his head instantly.

"I can't do that," Louis protests and Harry only smiles.

"It's fine, I can always get another one if I want to," Harry says. Louis can't believe someone like Harry actually exists, he genuinely can not believe it. He's rendered speechless once again.

"Okay," Louis says quietly. "Thank you, Harry."

Harry smiles at him. "No worries, now, what do you want to do? I'm thinking maybe we watch a movie."

Louis agrees but throughout the entirety of the movie, most of his attention is on Harry and the feeling he gets from being with him.


	8. eight

They form a tentative friendship.

Louis saw Harry at school a lot before, and that was hell to get through. But now, instead of wondering where Harry is, he's hyper-aware of where he _isn't_. He's certain that this isn't very good considering the _situation_ he's in.

So with all this in consideration, he isn't feeling his best. Actually, he finds himself excruciatingly ill in bed for majority of the week, it was difficult to explain to his Mum but once he coughed up some blood that one time while he was texting Harry, she allowed him to rest until he felt like he make it through a day without puking his lungs out.

By the time he is feeling like he might not die any second, it's Thursday afternoon and he's actually considering going to school the following the day. He hates missing school, it only makes his stomach churn more at the thought of missing out on important information that could potentially help lift his grades a little.

Not really knowing what to do with his time, he listens to the Oasis album Harry gave him—which is admittedly a bad idea but Louis still hasn't listened to it due to the fact that his lungs would probably give out if he reminded himself of how lovely, kind and truly ethereal Harry is—while he draws little sketches in his art book, such as eyes, cats and the tree that sits upon the hill that's in view from Louis' window.

His bedroom door opens rather abruptly when his Mum enters the room. "Lou, a friend of yours is downstairs waiting for you," She tells him, a knowing smile on her lips. Louis notices she's unusually chipper today.

As Louis walks downstairs he wonders who it could be, considering if it's Niall, she would've just said it was Niall but yet, she only referred to the person downstairs as his friend. His heart starts beating that little bit faster when he wonders if the person downstairs is Harry and that's when he proves his theory as correct.

Harry is standing with his legs crossed in an awkward but endearing way while he listens and responds attentively to Louis' Mum who seems to be asking if his family is enjoying it here. Louis is nearly at the bottom of the stairs when his breath catches in his throat, Harry notices he's here and looks up at him with a face splitting grin and his dimples along side it, his green eyes lighting up when Louis smiles back. But Louis doesn't want to think about how platonic it was.

"Hi, Lou, I brought homework and notes for the classes you missed," Harry chirps and Louis almost stumbles down the stairs but instead he is rendered speechless with his mouth agape.

Louis quickly composes himself the best he can before he replies with an overly thought out response. "Th-thank you, Harry. You didn't have to do that, you know?"

"Of course I did, I remembered you told me about how anxious it makes you feel when you miss out on school," Harry smiles sweetly and honestly, how is this boy even real? Louis doesn't even know what to say to that because Harry actually listens, and he _remembers_.

"Thank you," is all Louis can manage.

"'S alright, do you want me to bring it to your room?" Harry offers, referring the papers and notes tucked under his arm. Louis nods and heads up stairs, knowing Harry is already trailing close behind him.

Once Louis enters his room, he falls on his bed face first ungracefully, and almost cries. He can't cry now though, although Harry is painfully oblivious, he isn't stupid enough to disregard tears as nothing important, he has a kind soul and Louis is unfortunately very aware of that.

"You alright there, Lou?" Harry guffaws once he notices Louis groaning into his pillow.

"'m tired," Louis mumbles into the pillow, Harry somehow understands his muffled voice and giggles.

"Then sleep," he says, sounding a lot closer than before. Louis lifts himself and rests on his elbows once he feels a dip form by his feet and sees Harry sitting at the end of his bed with a cheeky smile.

"But I don't wanna," Louis whines before his face falls into his pillow once again. It's strange how despite the feelings, the roses and the pain, Harry is so easy to talk to. Louis often forgets the dilemma he's having when he's _really_ with him and it's terrifying.

"Can I tell you something?" Harry asks softly, almost timidly. Not like Harry at all. Louis sits up to give him a reassuring smile and nods to encourage him to continue.

"I was so scared to move, you see, I was homeschooled so this whole school thing is so new to me," Harry begins, his tone soft and shy. "I was really scared that I was going to be alone, or people would make fun of me. But you, Louis, you made me feel so safe. You knew what you were doing, no one can hate you and you and Niall, Liam and Zayn make me so happy and I feel normal with you."

Louis can hardly breathe.

"Har-"

"Louis, thank you so much. For being my first proper best friend, you've been so good to me," Harry interrupts. Louis is speechless, absolutely speechless. He didn't think he meant _anything_ to him.

"It's pretty hard to _not_ like you, Harry," Louis replies amusedly, his inner turmoil somehow not affecting his speech. He's also unsure why he thought it was a good idea to say that in the first place, but the smile that engulfs Harry's face relaxes him slightly.

"Same with you, Lou."

Louis winces, that hit him harder than expected. Harry furrows his eyebrows at him and all Louis can feel is heavy panic and the pain, the burning feeling in his lungs.

"Louis? Are you okay?" Harry is now the one to panic, he has no idea what's happening and he doesn't know what he should do. He isn't the only one.

"Yeah, just really bad chest pain," Louis forces a smile, just for Harry, just so he isn't panicking. Harry shouldn't have to be dragged into this, even if _he_ is the cause of the issue. He doesn't need to know.

Harry frowns, but then smiles before he's walking across the room to sit down at Louis' desk. Harry pauses his fiddling, crouched at his desk over the record player with a vinyl in his hand that he picked from Louis' box of records. He looks Louis over his shoulder, a tiny, sheepish smile on his face.

"Harry, what are you doing?"

"You told me music makes you feel better," Harry shrugs, turning back to the player.

Louis stays silent but can't help the wide smile on his face, so he hides it.

"I'm feeling like listening to some Michael Jackson," Harry hums. He places Louis' _Bad_ Michael Jackson disc onto the turntable, flips the switch and a tiny blue light pops up. "Yay."

Louis can't believe this. He can't believe him.

Louis can't hide his smile anymore and when Harry notices, he beams. Far too proud of himself.

Harry lifts the stylus and onto the disc and lets out a sound of triumph when The Way You Make Me Feel starts to play. Louis' pretty sure he did this on purpose.

Harry gives him a dopey smile before he's standing again and starts dancing like a dork while simultaneously moving closer to Louis who is just staring up at him wide eyed.

Harry extends his arm and offers his hand with a "come on, dance with me." And that's all it takes for Louis to take his hand and dance with him. Louis and Harry both know all of the words, so they go all out.

Harry spins Louis and when he pulls him to his chest, he dips him while singing, not taking his eyes off him for a second. "Just kiss me baby and tell me twice, that you're the one for me."

His voice is so deep and smooth, it's pretty and mellifluous and he's singing these words to Louis without even thinking about it. Louis hates him for being so naïve.

Harry's singing, "The way you make me feel," and of course, Louis joins in and sings back at him.

"The way you make me feel!"

"You really turn me on!"

"You really turn me—" Louis tries to sing but only topples over in laughter and falls to the ground. 

"You knock me off of my feet!" Harry screams and points at him on the floor and they both laugh so much that they're on the verge of tears. And Louis forgets he's even in pain in the moment, he's too caught up with Harry to even think for a second.

"My lonely days are gone," Harry sings with his best Michael Jackson impression before he's on the floor with Louis, who sits cross legged, his head rests on his lap as lies on his back, laughing and singing. Louis' fingers twitch and absentmindedly, he places a hand on Harry's head. He runs his fingers through his curls, gently tugging and massaging with a silly smile on his face.

_I like the feeling you're giving me_

_Just hold me, baby, and I'm in ecstasy_


	9. nine

December weather crawls over the hills of Doncaster, stumbling over itself and coming to rest firmly. There's the occasional snowfall that dusts the hilltops, the air is crisp because of the bitter wind and the dark clouds that hang ominously. So, with nothing to do on a miserable day Louis, Niall, Liam, Zayn and Harry all end up at the local indoor skate rink.

They're all sat in the benches beside the skate rink, putting on their roller skates—all of them except for louis, of course.

"Lou," Harry says, he finishes strapping on his skates and then looks up at Louis.

Louis hums in response. "Why aren't you putting on any skates?" He asks and Niall chokes on a laugh.

After Louis finishes glaring at Niall who continues to laugh, he explains. "I have a harrowing fear of rollerskating," Louis deadpans and Harry doesn't know if he's joking so he half laughs and then stops immediately when Louis doesn't smile and frowns.

"Wait, seriously?" Harry asks, his face softens and his eyebrows knit together tightly. He genuinely looks guilty.

"Yes, so there's nothing you can do to get me anywhere near that rink," Louis says seriously, demanding attention from all of the boys. Niall snickers while Harry offers a half smile.

"I can sit out with you if you want? I'm kinda craving a milkshake," Harry asks, referring the skate rink's café. Louis feels something jabbing his lungs but he tries to push any reminders to the back of his mind. 

"Are you sure?" Louis asks cautiously but really, he hopes he doesn't change his mind. He's not prepared to watch his friends be absolute asshats that try to make it look like they're about to fall just to give Louis a momentary heart attack. 

"Of course," Harry grins and he takes off his blades. Louis' chest begins to ache as he watches him return the skates, he doesn't understand how someone like Harry exists.

Harry returns with a beaming smile, his dimples form in his cheeks and he looks so...innocent. 

"So, can we line up for a milkshake now, Lou?" Harry asks sweetly, it kinda reminded him of a child begging his Mum for candy but it wasn't annoying, more so endearing. Louis nods and follows Harry as he almost skips off to the end of the line.

They stand in a comfortable silence, Harry rocks back and forth on the heels of his feet and tries to spark conversation. "Why do you have a fear of rollerskating?"

"Huh," Louis replies with, a little caught off guard.

"I mean, what made you so afraid of rollerskating?" Harry explains coyly, almost as if the question will offend him.

"Well, when I was around thirteen, I went rollerskating for the first time with some friends and I was a little bit careless so when I was trying to keep up with my friend I fell forward on my wrist and somehow my face and broke my nose and snapped my wrist," Louis says, his tone soft and meek. "Since then, I've had this massive fear of it and my left wrist is a lot weaker than my right and a bit fragile."

Harry's expression is almost unreadable, his lips are pursed together and his eyebrows tightly knit together and Louis feels his heart pound menacingly in his ears.

"Lou," Harry says, reaching for Louis' left hand. "You shouldn't be afraid, I can teach you and I do understand that it must have traumatised you." Harry lightly touches Louis' fingers, as if asking for permission but Louis can't move. _He can't breathe._

Harry intertwines their fingers and doesn't break eye contact for a second, causing Louis' breath to hitch. "I want to help you with this, I don't want this silly fear holding you back," He says and then gives his hand a gentel squeeze.

Louis gives him a small smile, because that's all he can manage in his moment of weakness. Harry releases his hand and turns himself to face the queue ahead of them and Louis' heart drops to the pit of his stomach.

"I need to go to the bathroom," Louis squeaks before he's running to the closest bathroom without looking back and making his way into the first stall he sees. He kneels himself over the toilet bowl and let's himself throw up the roses, the blood, the love that has not and will not be returned. It hurts, it scratches his throat painfully and the blood is thick and almost causes him to choke.

Louis sits against the door of the stall and rests his head against and cries. He sobs, screams and his eyes hurt from how much the tears are falling. He can't take this anymore, he hates this, he want's to all _end._

He goes completely still when he hears footsteps echo throughout the bathroom, it's heavy breathing and cold-sweat panic, it's the constant aching pain in his chest, the throbbing in his head that makes it so much harder to not release any form of sound.

"Louis?"

Silence.

"Are you in here?"

Still nothing.

Harry sighs, then proceeds to leave the bathroom to which Louis lets out the choked up sob he held back when he heard him say his name.


	10. ten

"I – Ni, I think I'm gonna throw up again..." Louis tries weakly, feeling his stomach twist. That's when he feels the burn in his throat, a feeling he's all too familiar with and identifies immediately as the roses that feel like they're growing in his lungs. Louis feels his throat tighten, burn, and blinks his eyes, trying to clear his head. Then, he's emptying his gut—or lungs—for what is probably the third time since Niall arrived.

"You're hopeless," Niall sighs, a small laugh to lighten the mood.

"Hopelessly in love," Zayn snickers. Yeah, Zayn found out. Long story short, he found Louis in the bathroom during his undoubtably worst moment ever and let's just say he was a bit startled when he noticed his blood stained shirt and rose petals scattering the cold, tiled floor around him. There was no way out of it, really.

So, now, Niall and Zayn are sat on his bathroom sink and doing what they think is supporting Louis through his situation.

"We get it, Zayn," Louis hisses bitterly. "Can we talk about something else?"

"Nope," Zayn snorts. Ever since he found about the Harry thing, he has not let it go since.

"Okay maybe there's a way to fix this?" Niall pipes in, seemingly confident with his thought.

Louis lifts his head from the toilet bowl to give Niall, who's sitting on his bathroom sink, a hard glare. "How?" He deadpans. 

"Maybe, if you move on and lose the feelings, this—" Niall gestures to the blood splattered around the rim of the toilet. "will all stop?"

Louis considers it for a moment but then he feels it coming up again.

"Should I download tinder on his phone?" Zayn suggests, serious now.

"Do it," Niall deadpans. "It's not like Louis can argue if he's gonna keep yacking up his lungs."

 

In the time it takes for Louis to go a solid ten minutes without throwing up, he knows he's safe for now but Zayn and Niall are playing around on his phone, finding any solution they can to his _major_ dilemma. 

"What are you twats doing?" Louis slurs, his eyes droopy and all his energy completely gone.

"Helping your lovesick ass," Zayn replies, eyes still trained on Louis' phone.

Niall hums. "Also, what would you say is your type?"

Louis scoffs. "You mean other than boys with luscious curls, beautiful green eyes and dimples to die for?" And then, he's running to the toilet throwing up again. 

"How have you not passed out yet?" Niall rolls his eyes and Zayn almost screams, startling both of them.

"Look, he kinda looks like Harry," Zayn grins, way too excited to discover a possible replacement. Niall shrugs.

"I mean he doesn't have curls or green eyes but he has dimples to die for," Niall snickers, mocking Louis' previous statement. Louis groans with his face in the toilet bowl, causing it to echo throughout the bathroom.

"Okay, let's swipe right and hope for the best," Zayn shrugs and swiping right. Niall laughs when he turns to seeing Louis glaring up at them.

"I think I'm done, help me into bed slaves," Louis commands, putting his hands up and making grabby hands at them. Zayn snickers and hops off the sink and walks out the room, leaving Niall to help Louis into bed.

"You're really light, what the fuck," Niall says as he pulls him up. Louis stumbles a bit, losing balance and Niall catches him. "You're a mess."

Louis snorts. "Thanks, Nialler."

Niall eventually gets Louis in bed and under the covers, Zayn already sat beside him and turning on the TV. Niall joins them, squishing onto the double bed.

"Can we watch a movie," Zayn whines when Louis puts on netflix.

"Stop your whining," Niall rolls his eyes fondly and before Zayn can bite back, the door bell rings. Zayn runs to the window and quickly falls to the floor in a fit of laughter.

"Zayn, who is it?" Louis huffs and Zayn continues to laugh. Niall rolls his eyes and gets up to look out the window.

Niall looks back at him, wide-eyed. "It's Harry."

Louis lets out a dramatic sigh. "Bring me a bucket." Zayn starts to laugh again and Niall kicks his ribs, resulting in Zayn tackling his legs and Niall falling to the ground.

"Don't make me get the door," Louis groans at them.

"Race you," Niall grins at Zayn and then they're off, racing to the door. Louis rolls his eyes but then the realisation sinks in. Harry is going to see him, Louis is going to see Harry. Harry is also the reason why he's been vomiting so much.

What is he going to do?

Louis reacts quickly when he hears the distant voices that belong to Harry, Zayn and Niall and pretends to be asleep.

"He's been really sick lately. Maybe don't get too close, don't wanna get ill," Niall says, not so subtly. At least this is Harry they're trying to fool, sweet, kind, naïve little Harry.

"Oh," Harry says once he's entered the room and then Niall hushes him—loudly.

"Maybe we should just watch a movie downstairs, don't want to wake him up now do we?" Zayn suggests and Louis mentally thanks him.

"Yeah, uh can you tell him I said I hope he feels better?" Harry asks sweetly as they're leaving the room, closing the door behind them.

Louis sits upright, his heart pounding violently in his chest. He wants to cry again, it's so hard and he doesn't want to live like this anymore. He hates the feelings that you're meant to love, the feelings he gets is pain, the butterflies are knives and the warm feeling is burning him inside.


	11. eleven

Louis isn't sure how he and Harry ended up like this. They're sat upon the same hill Niall and Louis sat on the first day they met. The sun is crawling behind the hills, hiding behind the clouds and Louis can't take his eyes off Harry's mouth. He watches the way he talks, his lips wet from licking over them whenever he goes deep in thought. Lips pink, plump and _oh so kissable._

"I have a date tonight," Louis says, trying to spark conversation. The hands that was playing with his hair freeze, Louis doesn't think much of it. Harry is quiet for a moment, he doesn't say anything but Louis can hear his breathing above him. Louis' huffs with his head nestled in Harry's lap but he continues to look ahead at the slowly dimming sky.

"Who?" Harry asks, his tone somehow cheery. Louis' heart breaks.

"Thomas, some guy Zayn and Niall set up for me," Louis says indifferently. Harry's lip quirk as he looks down at him, his curls draping around his head like a curtain and for some reason Louis feels safe.

"I like your voice," Harry says suddenly, and Louis blinks, heart thudding in his chest.

"What?" Louis chokes out.

"I like how you talk," Harry explains, as if it makes it any less strange.

Louis laughs uncomfortably, lungs aching. "You're really something, Harry."

Harry beams, his dimples sinking in his cheeks and his pearly white teeth biting his bottom lip sheepishly.

"Tell me about Thomas," Harry says, leaning back on his arms and staring back at the sun setting in front of them. The soft glow of the sunlight highlights his sharp jaw and Louis almost forgets to reply.

Louis hums. "He has pretty eyes, dimples—" Louis pauses to laugh as Harry pulls a dopey grin as if to say _I have dimples too!_ "He's cute."

"I can't wait to meet him," Harry smirks but his eyes are droopy and he looks tired. Louis feels his heart break again.

"Hey, Lou."

"Yes, Harold?"

"Promise me you won't replace me with Thomas?" Harry says, his eyebrows furrowed. Louis frowns, obviously not expecting the request.

"No one can replace you, Haz. You're my number one boy," Louis snickers, flicking Harry's nose fondly causing his nose to scrunch up softly. _If only Harry knew how true those words really are._

"Ditto," Harry grins, tugging on Louis' hair and tugging on his heart.

 

 

Louis laughs and it doesn't hurt. His eyes are brown like coffee beans and he smells like lemongrass and cinnamon. Their legs are intertwined and his voice fills the room with a bright sound, happiness, something he hasn't heard in a while.

"You're ridiculous," Louis says, Thomas kicks him lightly with a hearty laugh.

"You love it," He teases and yeah, maybe Louis does. "Can we put on some music?"

Thomas unwinds their legs and strides over to his record player, flicking through the records until he grins and pulls out a record he likes.

"I love your taste in music," Thomas hums, placing the vinyl—that Louis still has no idea which one—onto the turntable.

Louis shrugs. "Thanks, got it from my dad."

"Me too, I don't see him anymore, which ruins music for me sometimes," Thomas says nonchalantly.

"Same, gotta love daddy issues," Louis snorts and Thomas turns around with Michael Jackson playing on cue. His smile stretches across his face and his dimples cause Louis to melt inside.

Thomas joins him back on his bed, reconnecting their legs and Thomas pulls out a packet of cigarettes from the pocket of his denim jacket. "This okay?"

Louis nods timidly, Thomas lights it and the smell of cigarette smoke fills his lungs. Louis can't look away. Neither of them move. They're just staring at each other, right in the eyes, the smoke wafting up between them and finding it's way out of the breezy window. Louis' head feels heavy, the way you make me feel begins to play and all he remembers is how close their faces were, his hot breath on his face, how he wanted to put his teeth against his neck. He wanted to press up close, wanted to touch. He wanted to be on his knees. He _wants_ him.

Thomas crawls over, slowly but in a way that makes Louis' heart stop. Thomas' arms end up on either side of his head. Their faces are close, Thomas' eyes fall to Louis' lips and so does his. Louis can feel his hot breath as he inches closer, Thomas runs a long finger down Louis' cheek, coming to rest just by the hinge of his jaw. Louis shudders out a breath, his eyes threatening to flutter closed as he touches him.

Then he presses his lips to Louis' and it feels good. His lungs don't ache, his throat doesn't burn but it feels so . . . _different?_ For a moment, he doesn't remember the way Harry makes him feel, pain and agony. He doesn't think about his beautiful, delicate, dimpled smile that makes his heart flutter or the stabbing pain he gets when Harry says lovely things about him. It's just lips and heavy breathing and . . . _not Harry._

Thomas is propped up with his elbows braced on both sides of Louis' head and his lips move fluidly against his. His hips grind downwards and Louis sucks his tongue into his mouth as his right hand fists into Thomas' hair as the other clenches in the bed sheets.

Louis keeps telling himself, _this feels good, this is good,_ this will end, over and over until he believes it. And when he falls asleep, his head resting on Thomas' chest and his breathing steady, he feels like he might make this out alive if he just goes through with this.

 

 

_buzz, buzz, buzz_

Louis groans and curses under his breath, he should've switched off his phone but he was too preoccupied to even think about it. Louis reaches over Thomas who somehow remains in a deep sleep and answers the call without a glance.

"Hello?" Louis says, his voice groggy and tired.

"Oh shit, sorry Lou, did I wake you?" Harry, it's _Harry._ And Louis doesn't feel a thing.

Louis sighs, smiling a bit. "Yeah, but it's okay Haz, what's up?"

"I wanted to know how your night was with Thomas? Because if it didn't go well, I'm here for—"

"I'm with him now, actually," Louis interrupts, his lips pulled into a thin line. Harry sighs and Louis honestly wants to punch him in the face for putting him through so much pain and then not being happy for him when he finds someone who might be able to save him from this mess.

"What's wrong, Harry?" Louis asks, too sharp, too bitter. Harry audibly winces and there's that pain again.

"Just don't wanna lose you, Lou."

Louis doesn't say anything. He feels angry, so mad that the burning from his lungs have relocated to his eyes and he just wants to hang up, right now.

"Why can't you just let me have this? Just let me _breathe_ ," Louis hisses and yeah, maybe he didn't think for a second but when he hears Harry's broken voice when he apologises profusely, he remembers how vulnerable, sensitive and sweet Harry is.

"Listen, Harry, I'm sorry," Louis hushes, his voice softer now. He doesn't want to have to explain this to Thomas. "I didn't mean to get mad at you, I love you."

"I love you too, Lou."

Louis is about to reply when Thomas' eyes begin to flutter open, a dopey smile on his lips.

"I have to go," and with that, he hangs up.

Thomas lifts himself up slightly and rests on his elbows, Louis still lying on his bare chest. He kisses his nose and grins. "Who was that?"

"No one."


	12. twelve

Louis is tired with his thoughts racing and wrong notes sending a string of pain through his head. Niall, Zayn and Louis have recently decided to form a band which, they don't even have a name for nor do they have any songs. It's a work in progress.

"How did Thomas go?" Niall asks curiously, during a short break of playing shitty covers and attempting to do impressions of Stevie Nicks.

Louis hums, thinking for a moment. "It was good," He finally answers with, obviously flustered with the recollection of the few nights before.

"Come on, give us the deeds," Zayn snickers, a smug look evident on his face.

Louis shrugs. "Wasn't that interesting."

"Bullshit," Niall scoffs, Louis rolls his eyes when Zayn laughs, obviously agreeing with Niall.

"It's none of your business," Louis says instead.

"Did you at least use protection—"

"Shut up, Niall. We didn't go _that far_ ," Louis interrupts, biting his lip and blushing slightly. "Just, no more questions, okay?"

Niall huffs dramatically. "Fine."

"Anyways," Zayn says, clearing his throat. "How are you, uh, you know, feeling?"

Louis blinks, sitting up a little. "Uh, I mean, fine?"

"That's good," Zayn grins, patting him on the back lightly. "Isn't it?"

"Suppose so," Louis replies indifferently. He won't say it nor admit it, but he misses Harry, a lot. He is Louis' friend after all. Obviously, the feelings with Harry haven't disappeared overnight. Louis' well aware of that.

But he also knows that it's going to be hard, to keep a friendship with Harry whilst his not-so-repressed feelings are putting him through a lot, it's going to be so _so hard_. It's just going to take time and motivation.

Going out and finding someone new is just a way to start the process of moving on. Yes, it'll feel different and sometimes so wrong. Louis knows this all too well, but, for his own sake, it's what he has to do.

Niall and Zayn continue with an attempt of playing little lies by fleetwood mac—emphasis on attempt—and Louis can't seem to get out of his own head. It's driving him a little crazy and he ends up thinking about how Harry will feel about Thomas. It's not like he's going to be jealous, Louis has gone through enough physical pain to realise that.

Although, it's not going to be long until he finds out because Louis feels his phone vibrate in his pocket, a text from none other than Harry himself.

_can i come over after school?_

Louis doesn't know how to say no.

 

 

 

Things feel different.

Harry didn't like Thomas, not at all. He doesn't know why or how this small hatred began but every time he came to see Louis he could smell the cigarette in his hair and Louis looked like the life he once had was sucked right out of him. Especially today.

Things are different.

Louis barely smiles anymore. The happy, bright, contagious radiance he once gave off has somehow . . . vanished? Harry couldn't comprehend it but all he knows is that the sickening feeling in his stomach is only increasing by the minute.

"Lou," Harry whispers, he's finally with Louis, back in his bedroom. Yet, right now feels different to every other time he's been here.

"Yes, Harry?" Louis replies, dull and disinterested. He's sat at his window seat, looking down at his street, just thinking about what his life has become.

"Is there something wrong? You've been acting strange lately, I'm worried," Harry sighs, a frown on his lips. Louis turns away from the window and stares at him, Harry can feel his eyes burning into him, making him breathless.

"I'm fine," he replies, short and intended to be bitter but the tiredness softens the edges.

Harry stands up, walking over to him and towering over him as Louis remains seated, his eyes following Harry's every movement.

"Louis," Harry says, his lips pulled into a thin line and his eyebrows furrowed. Neither of them look away. Louis begins to panic once Harry sits next to him, their thighs touching, warmth and heaving breathing.

"Give me space," Louis whispers loudly, his eyes tearing up and his heart drumming in his ears. Harry doesn't move, just observes him and looks at him, his eyes, his jaw, his mouth. Louis wants him to move back to the bed, he doesn't want this again. His mindset is stable and he believes he can overcome this, _he really does_.

"Harry, pl-please," Louis chokes out, tears beginning to pool in his eyes and his heartbeat so out of control that this time, the only pain is the heavy panic he feels, weighing on his chest.

Harry doesn't say anything but he feels so bad, he feels so unwanted but he pushes that aside once he notices that Louis' breathing is so unsteady that he's sure he's having a panic attack. So, Harry does the first thing that comes to mind.

He lifts the blanket that's folded next to him on the window seat and throws it over their heads. "Breathe Lou, it's just me and you, nothing and no one else," Harry says, calm and collected.

"W-what?" Louis sniffles, calming down slowly but surely. He's so confused, he doesn't understand what Harry is doing but trying to wrap his head around it seems to distract him enough to get him to even out his breathing.

"Look, it's only me," Harry tells him, whispering, "Right now, we're in our own universe and nothing said here, leaves here. It's like it was never said, it'll all be forgotten."

Louis blinks, confused but definitely a lot calmer, it's baffling, he's doesn't understand how whatever Harry just did . . . worked?

"See," Harry grins, obviously too proud of himself.

Louis rolls his eyes. "You're so strange."

Harry only smiles more, because Louis is calm and he looks like he wants to smile.

"How about I tell you something that's been on my mind? Maybe that will help you feel better?" Harry offers, Louis only nods to encourage him to continue.

"Well, I've been really confused lately, you know, this whole starting school after years of being homeschooled seemed so difficult," Harry begins, still smiling nevertheless. "But I met you and the boys and, it was so easy? You're all so funny and easy to talk to, especially you."

Louis' breath catches in his throat but he just coughs and Harry doesn't seem to notice and if he does, he doesn't mention it.

"Anyways, the reason I was homeschool was mainly because my Mum and I moved around a lot, I didn't really have time to stay at schools for long but then she finally decided to settle down in Doncaster and I'm really glad she did," Harry says, dimples along side his smile and crinkles by his eyes.

"I kinda feel like it was fate," Harry continues, "Meeting you, meeting Niall, Zayn and Liam."

Louis smiles, it's small but it's there. He doesn't feel pain like he usually does, he just feels content. Calm. Safe.

"I've just been thinking about that a lot, out of all the places, this is where we ended up."

Louis just looks at him, his strange but sweet Harry. He's smiling, he's happy and it's so contagious. He doesn't understand it.

"Thank you," Louis says, wrapping his arms around Harry's waist and resting his head on his chest, their bodies still hidden under the blanket. Harry lifts Louis onto his lap, encouraging him to wrap his legs around him with a gentle tug and then sighs contently into Louis' hair.

"This would look very misleading to anyone who walks into your room right now," Harry giggles and Louis snorts into his chest, the vibration causing Harry to squirm and Louis to laugh more and more.

Harry feels so happy in this moment that for a brief moment, he doesn't notice the pain swelling in his lungs.


	13. thirteen

The following day was the day everything begins to feel a lot different but this time, Louis feels happy. He didn't throw up after Harry had left, although he did want to continue latching onto him. He's discovered that cuddling is very therapeutic.

Harry promised he would bring ice coffee over when he comes to pick Louis up for school and Louis couldn't be more elated for a school day. The wait consisted of texting friends, his cheeks aching from smiling and Louis only feels small twitches of pain, which, must be good considering it's nowhere near bad as it used to be the few weeks before.

There's several knocks on the door, obviously Harry isn't alone. When Louis makes it to the door, he's startled by hugs from Niall, Liam and Harry simultaneously. He loves them all dearly that it makes his chest ache in the best way possible.

"Hello lads," Louis tries to say but his words are muffled in someone shirt, smells like Niall.

"We forced Harry to take us to school after we found out about your plans," Niall snickers as he pulls away. He was right.

"Fun," Louis says, completely deadpanned. Niall rolls his eyes and takes an ice coffee from the tray he now notices Zayn has been made to hold, his face is expressionless and can only be described as dead.

Louis hums. "Thanks, Haz."

Harry grins and pulls Louis into his chest so his arm is wrapped around his shoulders and he rests his chin on the top of Louis' head.

Niall frowns slightly at the sight.

"You make me feel so small," Louis pouts, looking up to Harry who's already looking down at him with a wide grin. His dimples are so deep.

"That's because you are," Harry says matter-of-factly.

"Okay, that's it. We're leaving," Louis huffs and with that, he leaves and waits by Harry's car, Niall and Liam snickering from behind him.

Louis sits in the passenger seat and Niall, Liam and Zayn are squished in the back seat, ice coffee distributed between each of them and leaving a very content Louis with smell of coffee filling his nose and Harry filling his senses.

_'cause you're a good girl, why you talking like you're bad?_

Louis watches Harry sing, his eyes focused on the road but he's so in his own little world that Louis finds it funny yet he looks like such a rockstar. If only he grew his hair a little longer.

_you claim you're lonely, but you only think about me when you're naked._

 

 

"Lou," Niall says, trying to pull Louis' attention away from his salad. The lunch lady put a fucking cucumber in his salad, and he's made it very clear how much he despises them. It's just sat on top of his perfectly good salad, he tries to pick it off but only drops it onto another portion of his salad, it's like it's infecting the rest of his salad.

For some reason this reminds him of some poetic tragic love story. Like, Romeo and Juliet but instead _Cucumeo and Saladiet_. Louis decides that thought should remain inside his head.

"Louis!" Niall tries again and this time, Louis looks up.

"What?" Louis huffs before he's staring down the single slice of cucumber again.

"I haven't heard about Thomas for a while?" Niall hints, Louis being obviously too focused replies half-assed.

"Huh? Oh, yeah. He's kinda horny all the time, so, I think I'm better off," Louis replies, flicking the cucumber off his salad and onto Zayn's tray of food.

Zayn rolls his eyes. "Are you fucking kidding me, Louis?"

Louis just grins innocently and shrugs.

"What about Harry?" Niall asks, panicked for whatever reason that Louis doesn't really seem to pick up on.

"What about him?" Louis giggles, still laughing at an annoyed Zayn, and Liam who picks up the cucumber and eats it to attempt to solve things but only makes Louis gag.

"What do you mean _what about him_?" Niall is losing it now.

Louis finally stops laughing. "What's wrong, Niall?"

"Where is Harry?" Zayn interrupts, pointing out the now obvious space beside Louis. Niall looks like he might pass out.

"So, when you were playing with his hair this morning before class and when he hugged you goodbye, you didn't feel _anything_?" Niall gapes, like he's only now discovering the lack of pain Louis receives from Harry interactions.

"What is Louis meant to feel?" Liam asks with his eyebrows tightly knitted together.

Zayn slaps Niall on the back of his head with a "Liam doesn't know, you dumbass."

"What don't I know?" Liam is now the one to freak out and honestly, he was just trying to eat his now cucumber infected salad.

"I'm going to find Harry. You're all insane," Louis says and leaves his salad on the table full of panicking, bickering boys.

Louis searches everywhere, he looks in the bathrooms, around the cafeteria, the oval and that leaves him with the many, many classrooms and he doesn't know where to begin.

He thinks about his favourite subjects, or maybe classes he's behind in. But he's Harry Styles, he's always at the top of his classes and the one always helping Louis.

That's when it hits him.

He picks up his pace, heading towards the performance arts classrooms and peaks through the window of the music room classroom and he isn't surprised to see Harry sat on a stool on the stage, singing with his guitar.

Louis opens the door slowly, trying not to make a single sound and sits down at one of the desks at the back of the classroom and to his luck, Harry is too deep into the song to even realise he's come in.

_Sweet creature, sweet creature. When I run out of road, you bring me home._

Louis is rendered speechless. His voice is deep yet heavenly and sweet. Hitting just the right notes and his face, his voice, full of emotion and with so much presence.

_You'll bring me home._

Harry takes a moment, smiling to himself which Louis couldn't help but find slightly endearing but still mentally calling him a dork and then opens his eyes to see a grinning Louis staring up and him and lets out a loud squeal whilst simultaneously almost dropping his guitar.

"What song is that?" Louis asks, his chin resting in his hand as he stares up at him in awe crossed with a smug grin.

Harry stutters, not really knowing how to put his thoughts into words. "H-how long have you been in here?"

"Towards the end, I didn't hear much," Louis shrugs. "But I would love to know what song you were performing."

Harry visibly gulps. "Uh, actually, I kinda- uh, wrote it?"

"Is that so?" Louis tries not to gape and attempts to look smug, clearly failing if Harry's amused grin is anything to go by.

"Yeah, only finished it last night so I was just trying it out," Harry explains, his foot tapping against the stool absentmindedly.

"What's it about?" Louis asks and Harry's smile disappears like it was never there.

Harry coughs awkwardly and places his guitar down. "Just someone I know."

"Are you in love?" Louis presses and Harry starts to fidget uncomfortably, Louis' eyes burning into him.

"I-I don't know," Harry stutters. "Maybe? It's confusing."

Louis clears his throat and stiffens. "How come you never told me?"

"Oh," Harry swallows thickly. "Didn't think it was that serious."

"Why do you say that?" Louis questions, an eyebrow raised.

"I mean, I just didn't think you'd want to know, like with Thomas and all that—"

"I broke up with him," Louis interrupts, his face unreadable and it scares Harry. To see him like this.

"What? What happened?" Harry rushes out, stepping off the stage and slowly making his way over.

Louis shrugs. "I just felt like a body he could fuck and not a person he could love."

"Lou," Harry frowns, his stomach churning and he feels . . . angry. Who couldn't love him? How could someone treat his best friend like that?

"It's fine," Louis says, too sharp, too bitter. Harry flinches slightly when Louis stands and he panics when it looks like he's about to leave.

"Louis, I would tell you about, you know, but it's just complicated," Harry worries on his lip and now, Louis is mad.

Louis flares his nostrils and Harry becomes very aware of the shift of mood between them, Louis turns slightly and Harry is scared he's going to walk out because he doesn't want this conversation to end like this.

"Where are you going?" Harry asks, a blossom of insecurity in his stomach unfurling and clawing its way into his throat and out through his words. Louis looks at him with this look, something Harry hasn't seen from him. He isn't pitying him nor is he mad, it just looks like he's sad about whatever is going on between them.

"Nowhere," Louis sighs and he looks down at Harry's pigeon toed feet to avoid eye contact and wraps his arms around himself, feeling small under Harry's gaze.

"I'm sorry," Harry says, suddenly. Louis doesn't even know what Harry is sorry for, and neither does Harry.

Louis sighs. "It's okay, there's nothing to be sorry for."

He glances up slowly, his gaze lifting from Harry's feet all the way up to his eyes and he's right there, so close that Louis can feel his warmth, he can smell the coffee on Harry's breath.

The music room is dimly lit, Harry's eyes flickering to Louis' lips then back up to his eyes. They feel trapped in this moment and Louis can't move, he can't breathe, can't do anything but look at the way Harry begins to tremble.

"Harry," Louis breathes, trying to do something, to say something coherent.

"I need to go," Harry mumbles out, he walks past the frangible and emotionally vulnerable Louis and speeds out of the classroom, trying to find the nearest bathroom.

Louis stares after him, a million different thoughts running through his head but the most prominent of them all is _what just happened? Something feels different._ But Louis couldn't comprehend if it was a bad difference or not.

Harry feels a burning in his lungs, every breath he takes causes him to wince. Harry is beyond panicking at this point, searching around through the halls to just find a bathroom. There's lockers all along the walls, his shoes squeaking against the hard, solid terrazzo flooring as he feels the burning travel up to his throat.

He spots the male bathrooms sign above a heavy blue door and pushes through to enter the closest bathroom stall, the walls graffitied and torn from years of reckless teenage boys and skipping classes. He's on his knees, the bathroom floor cold against his skin and his throat burning more and more, he feels like something is coming up but nothing is.

He almost gags when he feels something tickle at the back of his throat and then something light and small is coughed out and falls gently into the toilet bowl.

Harry's squeezes his eyes shut, tears forming for no particular reason. He's too scared to open his eyes, it all just feels far too surreal. Eventually, he inhales deeply, opens his eyes to glance down and to his surprise, he finds a single pale pink flower petal floating on the surface of the water.

**Author's Note:**

> this was originally on wattpad (@lgbtangel) but i felt like there's more readers here! so please let me know what you think.


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